Lee Ann Christ
Brian died on the 15th of December,11 years ago of a heroin overdose. Heaven heard my scream of agony that morning. A week later the tsunami of 2004 hit Indonesia. Seeing a photo of a woman lying prostrate on the beach in anguish over her loss, I knew and shared her grief. It was palpable. The world became a very small place.
People asked my friends whether they should send us Christmas cards. My answer, surprising some, was that I would welcome them. Because this, our Holy season, with the glow of Christmas lights, the solitude of the starry black sky & the icy cold, surrounded me and encased me in a protective shelter. Warm and separate from the starkness of life without Brian. Twenty two years with us, our strong, bright, kind and loving son succumbed to the black crow on his shoulder, the heinous drug he told us he regrettably started using in an attempt to calm his racing thoughts. We will never completely know why, not in this world. I believe that God was with Brian when He ushered him into the world and was with him when he departed it. Emmanuel, God with us.
And just days after Brian died, mystically, in the familiar and melodious Christmas carols, came a current of peace that rushed around me and into the space left in the inner most place of my being. There was hope in a Savior who came to promise a life to come. I had hope of seeing Brian again. I lamented the abruptness that would interrupt this peace as life returned unmercifully to daily routine. How? But that special light I sought through the separateness from worldly things, was a guide that would continue on in many different ways. Seeking solitude with God in prayer, my thoughts and memories of Brian were made to stand still and they came alive for me.
So it is not with a feeling of dread that I enter this season, but instead I soak in the special music and it’s very special message.
Lee Ann Christ, Brian’s Mom