There came a point in my grief over the death of my son Clint when I became so tired of being tired. I began to search for something that would offer a bit of relief. I purchased a small notebook and began keeping a daily gratitude journal. Every day, I tried to find something to write in my journal.
What can I say about relationships after the loss of a child? They change. Many of them change for the worse. It could be because grief is such an emotionally exhausting journey, that you just don’t have what it takes to hold up your end of a relationship for a while. A long while. It could be because grief takes you on a long, lonely, isolating road, and many can’t be on that road with you as long as you need to be, if at all.
There is an old tree that stands as a giant in our back yard.
This tree stood tall on this land years before we built our home.
I am thankful to the stranger that planted it.
Originally published in Listening Hearts Newsletter Jan-Feb 2012
Another Christmas with all the activities had come and gone, and once again my husband Roy and I celebrated New Year’s Eve with good friends. We were in a room full of people, all happy and laughing, making their New Year resolutions.
I wondered what sad stories may be hiding behind some of the faces in the room, as people put on their mask once again, so the world doesn’t see their pain. I know for certain one friend at our table hides the deep pain of a son’s suicide, many years ago, in a time when such things were hushed up and rarely spoken of since. We only found out when we lost our son Joel, four and a half years ago, and then it was through the wife of his second marriage. We had known this friend for four years, and were shocked, and while we knew he felt our deep pain, sadly he still couldn’t bring himself to speak of it.
I thought I would share a story regarding birthdays for our children gone too soon. It makes me realise that it’s hard for people to understand the ways of bereaved parents and how they individually do what they feel is right for them at the time, which possibly would and does, vary from year to year as our grief ‘evolves’.