Month: October 2015


Oct
2015

The Fourth Anniversary

categories: Anniversary, Feelings, Grief journey, heart, memories, Mom

Tracy Bradshaw

Yesterday was emotional to say the least. A friend had bypass surgery Parkwest Hospital, and Alan and I went after he got off work. I didn’t want to go, but considering the seriousness of the procedure I made myself.

We were driving to UT hospital about the same time, four years ago after receiving a call that Sawyer had been taken there – memories filled my head.

Getting out of the car – memories filled my head.

Walking in, I saw the Emergency area – memories filled my head.

Inside, we didn’t know where to go – memories filled my head.

Talking with a receptionist – memories filled my head.

Waiting and wondering – memories filled my head.

A nurse came out with a report. I hung on every word – memories filled my head.

Memories filled my head…

We learned that it would be approximately an hour and a half, so Alan and I left to grab a bite to eat. Upon leaving the hospital behind us – memories filled my head.

Nervously entering the hospital again – memories filled my head.

Making our way to the elevator, holding Alan’s hand – memories filled my head.

A man exiting the elevator, walking toward us and pointing at me said, with a pause between each word, “Sawyer — Webb’s — Mother.” Oh, how it warmed my heart to hear those words again. I hugged him. He was Sawyer’s boss and said that he remembered “this day every year.” He said that he “loved that boy.” We hugged again, and I was somehow better. He did love Sawyer. I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. How calming it was to talk with someone who shared feelings similar to my own.

Tracy3
Sawyer Webb’s Mother, Tracy

Hearing Sawyer’s name, knowing that he was remembered and acknowledged, and being given back my identity felt like being wrapped in a warm blanket on a bitterly cold night. I swallowed my identity back down inside. Yes, I am still and will always be Sawyer Webb’s mother.

I had met Sawyer’s boss twice at the restaurant over four years ago, and I remember him coming to the funeral. How he recognized me and the timing of the encounter, I believe, is no coincidence. Sawyer (maybe God, maybe both) knew I needed those words at that moment, and my mommy heart filled with a familiar appreciation for my loving son, Sawyer.


Oct
2015

27 Things

categories: birthdays
amparo

Amparo Atencio

tony collage

 

  1. He was born with a cleft lip that was beautifully repaired at 3 months old.
  2. His first word was “cracker” as he pointed at the cupboard where the saltine crackers were stored.
  3. He lived in a single-parent home starting at age 3.
  4. He loved the water, but he hated swimming lessons and taught himself to swim.
  5. He loved to read and memorized books so he could pretend to read. His favorite was “Just For You” by Mercer Mayer.
  6. His pre-school teacher said he had lots of leadership traits, but he would have to learn to use them appropriately.
  7. He was diagnosed with ADHD at age 5.
  8. His 2nd grade teacher recommended advancing him a grade because he was so bright, but in the end we agreed he was not mature enough.
  9. He won several awards for his artwork, the most significant being 2nd place in a regional competition for his piece “In This Hand,” a drawing of a man who held the weight of the world in his head, propped up by this hand.
  10. Soccer, baseball, organized sports were not his cup of tea. Instead, he was a budding musician and artist.
  11. His supervised visits with his father weren’t supervised enough.
  12. He taught himself to play the drums.
  13. His dad died when he was 12 while I was on business travel, so he endured that pain alone.
  14. He learned to drive on the Hardin Valley campus of Pellissippi State Community College.
  15. His first paying job was mowing the lawn for our church.
  16. He loved to cook, and he felt the presentation was as important as the preparation, with a special garnish on the chicken breasts he arranged on the plate.
  17. He loved to play with kids and they loved him: wrestling with them, twirling them, giving them horseback rides.
  18. His favorite channel to watch while he ate in front of the TV was The Food Network.
  19. He gave all of his pocket change to “Please help, I’m homeless” people when he stopped at red lights.
  20. His funniest impression was of Will Ferrell in the Christopher Walken/Blue Oyster Cult “More Cowbells” skit on Saturday Night Live.
  21. He smelled so good. Axe.
  22. Horrible Bosses was the last movie we saw on our last dinner and a movie date.
  23. He lived 22 years, 10 months, and 5 days.
  24. He should be working at a decent job now.
  25. He should be in love now.
  26. He should be married now.
  27. He should be having his first child now.