Debra Reagan
These are the messages my head tried to tell my heart at the beginning of my grief journey.
A Terrible Mom
Category: Feelings
New, Good, Bad, and Ugly Feelings Since Gabriel Moved to Heaven
categories: Feelings, Grief journey
A. Katie Helms
In five and a half weeks it will be eight and a half years since my son, Gabriel moved to Heaven… Died… I’ve had lots of new good, bad, and ugly feelings since then… Most of them in the first couple of years after he died… But I had a new one happen this week…
I love dogs and have had several during my life, but didn’t have one when Gabriel died, because my husband hadn’t wanted one… And that was o.k. Until About six months AG, (after Gabriel died)… I decided that a cuddly pet might be good for this broken hearted woman… So I finally convinced my husband to let me get one…
The “Memories” Christmas Tree
Debra Reagan
This article was originally published in www.opentohope.com on Dec. 3, 2008, a website whose mission is to help those who have suffered a loss to cope with their pain and invest in the future.
Four months after our youngest son, Clint, died, we were faced with our first Christmas without him. We didn’t know how to deal with the holidays. Individually, our pain was so great; we barely spoke of it with each other. We didn’t know how to include Clint in our plans, yet we couldn’t bear to face a holiday without him. It wasn’t right to be making preparations that didn’t include our son. Where was his shopping list? He had always enjoyed making a wish list. There was a huge void in our hearts and in our home.
The Sadness of Relationships
Amparo Atencio
What can I say about relationships after the loss of a child? They change. Many of them change for the worse. It could be because grief is such an emotionally exhausting journey, that you just don’t have what it takes to hold up your end of a relationship for a while. A long while. It could be because grief takes you on a long, lonely, isolating road, and many can’t be on that road with you as long as you need to be, if at all.
Another New Year
Julie McGregor
Originally published in Listening Hearts Newsletter Jan-Feb 2012
Another Christmas with all the activities had come and gone, and once again my husband Roy and I celebrated New Year’s Eve with good friends. We were in a room full of people, all happy and laughing, making their New Year resolutions.
I wondered what sad stories may be hiding behind some of the faces in the room, as people put on their mask once again, so the world doesn’t see their pain. I know for certain one friend at our table hides the deep pain of a son’s suicide, many years ago, in a time when such things were hushed up and rarely spoken of since. We only found out when we lost our son Joel, four and a half years ago, and then it was through the wife of his second marriage. We had known this friend for four years, and were shocked, and while we knew he felt our deep pain, sadly he still couldn’t bring himself to speak of it.
Letter to Joel
Julie McGregor
Joel, it’s four years and three months since that unbelievable day you left us. Unbelievable, but I have to believe it, because it happened. Where has the time gone? Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago, and other times it feels like yesterday.
For Mothers of Children Who Have Struggled with Mental Illness and Drug Addiction
Debra Reagan
Originally posted on Debra’s memorial site: www.clint-reagan.memory-of.com
Dearest Mothers,
In the beginning, it mattered to me the hows and whys of Clint’s death. My heart and my head argued. My heart keep saying, “He can’t be gone, we still have so much love to give him.” In a strange unfair twist, this love was even greater because it was not hindered with all the stress and chaos involved with dealing with someone struggling with mental illness and drug addiction. This wasn’t fair. I became angry. I had done everything I thought was right. I had been a stay at home mom up until middle school. We were an intact family. Clint had experienced some privileges in his life. We were there for him every step of the way. We tried to handle what we knew and what we understood.
Crossroads in Grief: To Hide or Persevere
categories: Feelings
Debra Reagan
This article was originally published on Open to Hope, a website whose mission is to help those who have suffered a loss to cope with their pain and invest in the future.
To most folks, Aug. 6, 2005, was an ordinary day, but for me it became the worst day in my life. I woke up that morning expecting to celebrate my birthday; instead, I learned of my youngest son’s death. Despite the fact that I had many loving family members and friends, I found myself feeling isolated and numb. It took so much of my energy just to make it through each day that I had nothing left for anything else. (more…)