Category: memories


Oct
2015

The Fourth Anniversary

categories: Anniversary, Feelings, Grief journey, heart, memories, Mom

Tracy Bradshaw

Yesterday was emotional to say the least. A friend had bypass surgery Parkwest Hospital, and Alan and I went after he got off work. I didn’t want to go, but considering the seriousness of the procedure I made myself.

We were driving to UT hospital about the same time, four years ago after receiving a call that Sawyer had been taken there – memories filled my head.

Getting out of the car – memories filled my head.

Walking in, I saw the Emergency area – memories filled my head.

Inside, we didn’t know where to go – memories filled my head.

Talking with a receptionist – memories filled my head.

Waiting and wondering – memories filled my head.

A nurse came out with a report. I hung on every word – memories filled my head.

Memories filled my head…

We learned that it would be approximately an hour and a half, so Alan and I left to grab a bite to eat. Upon leaving the hospital behind us – memories filled my head.

Nervously entering the hospital again – memories filled my head.

Making our way to the elevator, holding Alan’s hand – memories filled my head.

A man exiting the elevator, walking toward us and pointing at me said, with a pause between each word, “Sawyer — Webb’s — Mother.” Oh, how it warmed my heart to hear those words again. I hugged him. He was Sawyer’s boss and said that he remembered “this day every year.” He said that he “loved that boy.” We hugged again, and I was somehow better. He did love Sawyer. I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. How calming it was to talk with someone who shared feelings similar to my own.

Tracy3
Sawyer Webb’s Mother, Tracy

Hearing Sawyer’s name, knowing that he was remembered and acknowledged, and being given back my identity felt like being wrapped in a warm blanket on a bitterly cold night. I swallowed my identity back down inside. Yes, I am still and will always be Sawyer Webb’s mother.

I had met Sawyer’s boss twice at the restaurant over four years ago, and I remember him coming to the funeral. How he recognized me and the timing of the encounter, I believe, is no coincidence. Sawyer (maybe God, maybe both) knew I needed those words at that moment, and my mommy heart filled with a familiar appreciation for my loving son, Sawyer.


Sep
2015

In Memory of Thomas Wade Buchanan

categories: Anniversary, Love, memories, pain

Ruby Buchanan

April 21, 1983 – July 18, 2005
Son of Ruby and Mack Buchanan

Buchanan-In-Memory-of-Wade

 

01-T

Today is the second anniversary date of your death.

 

02-HHow the pain still feels sometimes causes us no rest.

 

03-OOne day life was so content,

 

04-MMemories flood our minds; we know that is how it was meant.

 

05-AAs we go on with our every day life,

 

06-SSome people ask, “How can you be so strong?”

 

 

07-WWade, if they only knew how they could be so wrong.

 

08-AAngels all around you up above

 

09-DDoing special things with all kinds of Love.

 

10-EEveryday we must go on, no other choice to make.

 

 

11-BBlessed we were to have you before God had to take.

 

12-UUntil we meet again, we must take one day at a time.

 

13-CCourage it takes, sometimes, not to lose our mind.

 

14-HHappy we will be to be reunited. Some days we can hardly wait.

 

15-AAs we wait for you to meet us at God’s Heavenly gate.

 

16-NNo one knows the things we learned from you at any rate.

 

17-AAnd your time on Earth was for a purpose.

 

18-NNo more tears in Heaven will come to surface.

 

(Always in our hearts!)
Sadly missed and cherished,
Mom and Dad

wade2

–This poem was originally written in 2007.


Jun
2015

A Father’s Day Tribute to My Husband

categories: Feelings, gratitude, memories, patience, poetry
debra reagan

Debra Reagan

 

With Father’s Day approaching, I would like to take this opportunity to express my love and gratitude to the father of our sons, my husband, Alan. He carried us through those darkest times of early grief after the death of our youngest son, Clint. As I come out of the fog of anguish and begin to re-enter our new normal, I can appreciate all the many ways he cared for us.

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May
2015

Dear Sawyer

categories: Feelings, Love, memories, Mom
tracy bradshaw

Tracy Bradshaw

I came up to Todd and Bee’s boat for Memorial Day weekend. Belinda stayed home with her mom, because she has been having heart issues. She had a stint put in on Friday, and, I think, Belinda is afraid to leave her.

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Apr
2015

I see you in every picture…

categories: beach, Connections, memories, music
julie mcgregor

Julie McGregor

The first two months after Joel, my 18 year old son died, I spent most days sitting on the couch staring at the television. I came across a show about people getting tattoos for lots of reasons, including memorial tattoos. As I watched the show regularly, the thought formulated in my mind that I would like to get one eventually as a memorial for Joel.

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Mar
2015

The Heart Remembers

categories: memories, Time
debra reagan

Debra Reagan

The heart remembers even when we aren’t actively thinking about our child.  It was 5 1/2 years since our son had died of a drug overdose.  The thoughts weren’t in front of my face all the time, and the weight wasn’t so heavy on my shoulders.  I was finding the energy to re-invest into my new normal.

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Dec
2014

The “Memories” Christmas Tree

categories: Feelings, Firsts, Love, memories
debra reagan

Debra Reagan

This article was originally published in www.opentohope.com on Dec. 3, 2008, a website whose mission is to help those who have suffered a loss to cope with their pain and invest in the future.

Four months after our youngest son, Clint, died, we were faced with our first Christmas without him. We didn’t know how to deal with the holidays. Individually, our pain was so great; we barely spoke of it with each other. We didn’t know how to include Clint in our plans, yet we couldn’t bear to face a holiday without him. It wasn’t right to be making preparations that didn’t include our son. Where was his shopping list? He had always enjoyed making a wish list.  There was a huge void in our hearts and in our home.

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Oct
2014

Halloween After A Child Has Died

categories: memories, Time, traditions
debra reagan

Debra Reagan

www.clint-reagan.memory-of.comClint Reagan standing in a corn maze with a pumpkin in the background

This article was originally published on October 14, 2008, in www.opentohope.com, a website whose mission is to help those who have suffered a loss to cope with their pain and invest in the future.

When the first Halloween arrived soon after our son’s death, I could hardly bear to think of it. Clint loved fall and Halloween. He took such joy in the season: football games, corn mazes, haunted houses and parties. It almost felt like a betrayal of sorts for me to hate the season now, but I couldn’t help it. In the beginning, everything about it brought me pain.

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