As I was making my bed this morning, I noticed my customary sign that I call my shout-outs from Tony: crossed drumsticks, symbolizing the passion of my Funky Drummer. I climbed on my bed with my camera to find the best vantage point through the small window for a photograph. Several shots included the window frame; others included telephone wires. I was frustrated with myself when it dawned on me that the easiest solution was to simply step outside onto my front stoop!
I learned of a special spot at Frozen Head State Park when one of Tony’s friends shared a memory with me. She said they had frequently hiked there with friends, and one day Tony carved his nickname into the handrail of a bridge on a trail.
I became obsessed with finding that bridge and seeing the carving with my own eyes. And finally, after numerous hikes, I spotted yet another bridge. I hurried to this one, inspecting the handrails, as I always did, scanning it for the T-Dawg carving, This time, I found the very bridge that Tony had stood on with his friends. I ran my fingers over the slightly faded carving, feeling my spiritual connection to him.
How fitting that his mark was on a bridge. A Dictionary of Symbols indicates, “The bridge symbolizes the link between what can be perceived and what is beyond perception. Even when it lacks this mystic sense, the bridge is always symbolic of a transition from one state to another–of change, or the desire for change.”
A dear friend said of this definition, “Somehow, this describes your new relationship to Tony, who for you now exists in nature, which you can perceive through your senses, even though you cannot actually perceive Tony as he once was.” He went on to say, “It symbolizes both Tony’s transition to another state and your own transition as you come to terms with his new mode of being.”
I added my own carved inscription to Tony’s, adding my mark to connect us always, “MAMA.”
And so I name this Frozen Head State Park bridge, Tony’s Bridge, always to be my transitional link between what was and what is now.
My son was a very active toddler. It was difficult to sit with him and read, so at bedtime we would often lie in his bed together and sing. One of our favorite songs was “The Rainbow Connection.” The other was a hymn that I learned at my church, The Prayer of St. Francis (Make Me a Channel of Your Peace). Every night I would sing these two songs to Michael, and he would quietly settle down to sleep.