New, Good, Bad, and Ugly Feelings Since Gabriel Moved to Heaven

A. Katie Helms

In five and a half weeks it will be eight and a half years since my son, Gabriel moved to Heaven… Died… I’ve had lots of new good, bad, and ugly feelings since then… Most of them in the first couple of years after he died… But I had a new one happen this week…

I love dogs and have had several during my life, but didn’t have one when Gabriel died, because my husband hadn’t wanted one… And that was o.k. Until About six months AG, (after Gabriel died)… I decided that a cuddly pet might be good for this broken hearted woman… So I finally convinced my husband to let me get one…

I looked on Pet Finder dot com and found my doggie true love… A fiesty little reddish tan terrier mix who’d had a rough life and really needed me… I needed him too… I named him Daniel for two reasons… One, he had a white mane around his neck like one of the lions whom the ancient Daniel might have met in the Lions Den… And two, because in the Bible, Gabriel and that same Daniel had some heaven to earth communications going on…

Daniel and I took to one another like a fly on flypaper… He had never been loved before, but decided that he liked it… He took it as his mission in life to keep me, protect me, and bite anyone who might threaten our relationship… My son, Ben, called him Daniel the devil dog… My friends feared him… My Grandma’s Hospice nurses labeled him “Ferocious”… But he was cute…  John, my hubby, liked to mess with him, and get him riled up, but they had a special relationship of their own… I enjoyed watching John pet Daniel and be tender… Daniel was a picky eater until my grandson came along… For Daniel would eat anything that he could get his teeth on, IF it was meant for the baby… Some said that he was trying to starve the baby out of the picture… Don’t know about that… Haha… but even so, Daniel was pretty nice to the grandson… Like he knew that this was a new member of the pack, and like him or not, he would have to deal with him, and protect him too…

We had Daniel for eight years… We weren’t sure how old he was before we got him… But he ended up recently with Diabetes and complications and we had to have him Euthanized to relieve his suffering… That’s where my new feelings came in….

I didn’t think it would be hard… Losing a Dog… After all, I’ve lived through losing a child… I’ve been through the worst that life can throw at you… What else could hurt me…

Well… For sure losing a dear pet doesn’t compare to losing a child… But it does still hurt… And it is sad… And No, Self, I don’t need to feel Guilty for crying over a dog… And No, Self, crying over the loss of my Daniel doesn’t minimize the tears I’ve shed over my son… And No, Self, it’s not wrong to have feelings for a creature who I didn’t even have BG (Before Gabriel died)… And Yes, Self, it’s ok to be hurt and  be sad over something that has Zero relationship to my Gabriel… And Yes, Self, it’s O.K…..