Debra Reagan
During my grief journey, I have listened as fellow bereaved travelers imparted the fact that life is forever changed after the death of a child. For sure, on this we can agree. Since I thirsted for more information, I thought I would share a change I have noticed. Whenever the subject of a past event, or time is brought up, my mind rushes to do the math. I found this surprising in a way. I suppose I might be considered to have average math skills in everyday life. However, in normal conversation, when the subject is about a time or event in the past my mind can do amazingly fast calculations.
The connection and love I hold for my child, gone too soon, bring a barrage of calculations: “When was this past event?”, “Was this before or after my son left?”, “How many years?”, “How old was he or how old would he be now?”, and “When did we stand in that space of time?”
Not until my mind has settled on answers to these questions can I rejoin the conversation. What seems like a long trip down memory lane has taken place in an instant. I realize I am now a math whiz. Not really. But, I am a mom who will always carry my child with me in all aspects of my life.
