New Year’s Resolutions for the Bereaved

By Tanya Lord

This year I resolve to:

  • Not put a time limit on my grief. Loving someone means loving them for my life time whether they are physically present or not.
  • Tell their stories, the happy and the sad, they will live on through me.
  • Encourage others to share memories.
  • Teach others that they cannot “make” me cry, tears are only an external expression of how I am feeling all the time.
  • Understand that crying or otherwise expressing my pain is healthy and normal. “Doing well” means expressing my feelings.
  • Understand that others will not understand my pain and it isn’t fair to expect them to do anything but listen.
  • Recognize that asking for help from those that love us is really a gift that we give to them.
  • Help others, reaching out to others in pain will help me to heal.
  • Do something nice for myself every day.
  • Know that if today I cannot do everything that needs to be done, tomorrow is another chance to get it done.
  • Cry when I need to, laugh when I can and not not feel guilty about either one.
  • Let go, bit by bit, of the guilt, regret and anger because I know holding on to these emotions can be so damaging.
  • Take a risk and let others into my life and heart.
  • Take care of my physical, emotional, and spiritual health.
  • Reinvest in life a little bit each day…
— Taken from The Grief Toolbox
http://thegrieftoolbox.com/artwork/new-year-s-resolutions-bereaved

…and the survey says!

We asked, and you responded. We wanted to know what activities and programs would be most helpful to you in your grief journey. Your response was important to us so that we can plan meaningful activities for you in 2015. Along with the popular annual butterfly release and candle light ceremony, many moms want the opportunity to make crafts, participate in memory walks, and honor Mother’s Day in a special gathering.

The Listening Hearts Officers meet regularly, and we are currently making plans for new 2015 activities to offer support and compassion. Stay tuned for more information.

Candlelight Ceremony – We Remember

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Moms, family, and friends gathered at our Knoxville location on December 6 to honor the memories of our children this holiday season. Wade’s mom, Ruby, welcomed everyone and introduced Chaplain Richard Calloway, of East Tennessee Children’s Hospital, for an invocation. Sawyer’s mom, Tracy, spoke on Reflections from the Heart and presented Alfred Vincent, a local singer/songwriter who sang a song inspired by a photo of himself with Sawyer.The reading of names, by Tony’s mom, Amparo, was preceded by Alan Pederson’s “Tonight I Hold This Candle” and ended with a joint candle lighting on behalf of all the moms who could not attend. Clint’s mom and Listening Hearts co-founder, Debra, offered the closing remarks before the moms engaged in a Silly Santa gift exchange to commemorate the joy our children brought to our lives. This annual event helps moms carry the pain of loss and the joy of love in the same heart.

The risk of love is loss, and the
price of loss is grief —
But the pain of grief
is only a shadow
When compared with the pain
Of never risking love.

— “The Art of Condolence:
What to Write; What to Say;
What to Do at a Time of Loss”
(Leonard M. Zunin, MD &
Hillary Stanton Zunin, 1991, HarperCollins)