Debra Reagan

What does this classic sliding tile puzzle have to do with grief?

I remember as a child trying to work the classic sliding tile puzzle. I could get ever so close to a completed puzzle, but could never get it completed without first letting go of my expectations of the process. I was reluctant to accept the fact that one had to be willing to “mess” up all the tiles before they could be put back in order.

I have found that grieving the loss of my child to be somewhat like that. No matter how I wanted to handle the grief with logic and order, I had to let go, not of my child or the love, but of the expectations of this journey. I had to learn to live in the moment at hand.

Don’t use your energy with the would have, should have or could have. And don’t waste your precious energy with expectations of others’ reactions and behaviors.

Grief is a wild and crazy roller coaster ride that requires energy. More energy than one can ever realize. I hope you travel your journey one step at a time and use this limited energy wisely.