The Mighty Y Tree

Amparo Atencio

Deciduous refers to

• the falling off at maturity
• the dropping of a part that is no longer needed
• the falling away after the purpose is finished

It is appropriate, then, that I pass a deciduous tree on my frequent nature walks on the North Boundary Greenway in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. I call this grand oak tree “The Mighty Y Tree” because of its grandeur and strength. I can tell it’s a mature tree from its circumference and height, reaching for the skies with two thick limbs that form a solid Y. I can tell it has endured much because of the large chunk missing from its trunk, surviving a strike from lightning.

Still standing.

Connecting with “The Mighty Y Tree” has brought me much solace over many seasons. I have seen it, stunning in all its stages–from its full leafy green in the summer, to its naked skeleton during winter and everything in between.

Still standing.

At the beginning of my grief journey, I derived no comfort from this tree and did not see it as “The Mighty Y Tree.” Instead, it was “The Why Tree.” A question. Why?

Filled with confusion, I asked: Why is this tree still standing after all it has been through? Why did this happen? Why my son, my only child?

Filled with anger, I asked: Why does this world go on as if nothing has happened? Why am I still standing?

Seasons passed, and I continued to see the transformations of this deciduous tree. I began to find peace and serenity in nature. I continued to breathe, literally and figuratively putting one foot in front of the other. Slowly, I stopped asking why. I came to accept what the deciduous oak tree was teaching me on my nature walks.

Deciduous. Recall the definition:

• the falling off at maturity
• the dropping of a part that is no longer needed
• the falling away after the purpose is finished

I learned that Tony’s life contract had reached its maturity. I learned he no longer needed his physical being because he had stepped into his spiritual being. I came to accept that his purpose on this earthly realm was finished so that he could begin his soul purpose in the spiritual realm. At that point, the tree transformed from “The Why Tree” (a question) to “The Mighty Y Tree” (a strength). I compared the tree, in all its glory in all seasons, to the seasons of my life.

As leaves begin budding in the spring, I wake up from the fog to new beginnings.

As the tree blooms in the summer, I come out of the dark to become expressive, beautiful, and productive.

As leaves drop in the fall, I release my pain and prepare for the next phase of my life.

As the tree is stripped bare in the winter, I am stripped down to my true essence. The lines on my face, the stretch marks on my belly, the grey hairs on my head are testaments to the experiences I have endured.

Still standing.