Dear Loretta Lynn,
I hope my letter makes it to your hands, as I think you will want to know about our connection. I belong to a group, for bereaved moms, called Listening Hearts. It is not a group with which I ever imagined being associated. As I have traveled this grief journey for the last five years, my spirituality has emerged with an awareness that was once secretly questioned. There have been numerous signs along this path that show my son’s spirit is alive and with me, so I don’t question the spirit anymore. It is real, and it is constant. I am writing to you concerning such spiritual signs.
I am very close to Amparo and Debra. They have lost their sons too, and we met through Listening Hearts. We decided to journey together to be at a parole hearing for one of the men involved in taking Amparo’s son’s life. Her son is Tony. We traveled to the Nashville airport to pick up Tony’s love, Michelle, because she wanted to be present for Tony and Amparo. Michelle’s and Amparo’s shared stories about Tony indicate that he was fun, warm, loving, creative, and musically talented – an artist and a drummer. This is Amparo’s only son, and his senseless murder was a shock, to say the least.
We found our hotel, threw luggage on beds, and ventured out for dinner. After eating we decided to drive around a bit. We saw a sign for your ranch and figured if we followed the signs we could find it. We meandered down the country road turning left onto the gravel drive. The sun was beginning to descend as the tires created crunching sounds on the gravel. We drove to a bend in the road and followed it to the right just a bit and parked. Seatbelts were unbuckled, and we each slipped out of the vehicle. It felt like the place we were supposed to be, but we did not know of your loss at the time.
It is my understanding that just as grief is a very individual thing, so are the signs we gather from our loved ones. Amparo feels closer to Tony in nature. Being outside on a beautiful ranch fulfilled that closeness. Another sign for Amparo is the number three, though we noticed a distinct number four formed with clouds. We thought perhaps the four was because there were four of us there watching the sunset with thoughts of Tony. Peering more closely at the wisps of clouds we noticed a less than symbol. Amparo figured the love is no less than it was when Tony was here in his physical form. As the sky streaked with beautiful shades of pink, the geese in the tall grass of the field grew louder and louder. We stood very quietly absorbing the serenity, beauty and connection. A flock of geese rose and flew toward the setting sun. When a few minutes passed, another flock rose and followed. We were in awe of nature, its sounds and its beauty. Then a third flock drifted upward honking as they flew and disappeared. All was quiet and we waited. The sign was given, and Amparo broke the silence saying with excitement, “There’s my sign! There were three flocks!” We knew Tony was with us. He was with his mom. He was with the girl he loves, and he was with Debra and me there to support his sweet mom carrying love and pain in the same heart.
The next day we waited for hours suffering from anxiety filled anticipation concerning the hearing itself and the eventual outcome. Then, we were led to sit in the same room with a man involved in taking Tony’s life. Amparo delivered a heartfelt description of the impact losing Tony has had on her. Michelle followed with very touching words as to how this has changed her life and the lives of many friends.
The parole board representative let everyone there know that his vote was to deny parole. We know from experience, which we never dreamed we would have, that the board usually goes along with the vote from their trusted member hearing the case. We have since gotten word from the State of Tennessee Board of Parole that the final decision was to deny his parole at this time. The board will consider parole again in October of 2018.
I wanted to share our story with you for more than one reason. First, thank you for having an open place for people to enjoy, meditate, connect, etc. for their own reasons. I am very sorry you lost a son too, because there is no loss that compares to the loss of your child. I think, now, that the four may have been for the four sons represented on your ranch that day. I am also very sorry that you recently lost a grandson. I hope you are showered with si
With connections and gratitude,
Tracy
Tracy received a hand-written response from Loretta Lynn’s staff!
