Month: May 2020

20
May
2020

Douglas Redlin

categories: Journey

Mardi Peaster

I would describe Douglas Redlin as one of the smartest, most sarcastic, funny, witty, artistic, gently, caring and passionate man that I ever met. I am thankful that I was so lucky to be his mom.

He was born on July 16, 1984 weighing in at a whopping 12 pounds 2 ounces and 24 inches long! He had some early problems and was put in the NICU where he was too big to fit into the isolettes! He died from an undiagnosed heart defect on May 12, 2012. Even though he was born in San Antonio Texas and died in Harker Heights Texas, Douglas never considered himself a Texan.

As a 5th generation Army Brat, home was wherever we happened to be and you could really claim anywhere as “home”. Douglas believed that his home was Washington State, where he grew up from age 4 to age 10. Seattle Seahawks and Seattle Mariners were his teams. He never wore a jersey out of season. Even though he loved the Seahawks more than any other team, we buried him in a Mariners jersey because it was baseball season when he died. A Seahawks jersey lies beneath him, so he will always be in season.

His sense of humor and unique way of seeing the world showed itself early. At age 4 we heard a small voice from the back seat say “must have good donuts” as we passed a donut shop parking lot full of police vehicles. He always called himself Douglas until after the first day of Kindergarten. He came home and said “My name is Doug now”. Turned out he had trouble writing an “s” so he took care of that issue! He called car tracks in the snow “car prints” because he already knew about foot prints. He was never cold, and hated long sleeved shirts. He only wanted “up sleeve” shirts.

Douglas was in his first year of teaching history and coaching football at a middle school. Douglas put everything into reaching the kids. An amazing artist, Douglas would draw detailed masterpieces on the dry erase board to go along with each week’s lessons. Many parents and students came up to me at the viewing and funeral to tell me how my son Coach Redlin, had a positive influence on their child or themselves. Hearing those words about how he helped the next generation provided great comfort to me as I grieved and continue to grieve his death.

19
May
2020

Ryan’s Letter Before China

categories: Journey

Vicki Carter

May 2009

Mom,

Wow I can’t believe another year has passed! Your son is almost 19. So its about 4 hrs before I leave and I (am) writing you this to give you something to read whenever you hurt or miss me.

Mom, I’ve been called out, set apart…. We all have as followers, but our Father has something special for your son. And by me going this summer it is in preparation for what is to come. Even if my entire ministry overseas was to go on this trip meet one boy and he find Jesus then nothing was in vein (vain)! My upbringing non(e) of it in vain it was all for a reason and ALL For a purpose! Just like in Exodus 1:12 the Isrealites were being persecuted but because of that they multiplied greatly and grew stronger. I know this hurts and you sometimes don’t want it to be your son. However it will allow us to grow stronger together but most importantly upwards in our faith!

I love you mother! Stay Strong!!

Ryan

19
May
2020

Art

categories: Journey

Carmen Van Horn

I am not artsy at all, but I went to a paint party and made this for my son’s birthday tomorrow. The RDVH (his initials) and 22 for how old he would be if he were with us.

There is a cross in the sky because I know he is with Jesus. In the waves I have little hearts to represent my love for you is always strong.

The colors in the sky are the different ways grief has hit. Red is pain. Blue is depression. White is hope. Black is anger. Yellow is the battle. There are many colors that blend and bleed into one another.

The ship is a representation of how I feel like an empty shell sometimes. My boat sails toward the sun…my son and someday we will be together and complete.

Mom, Carmen In Memory of Duncan

19
May
2020

Our Unending Journey

categories: Journey

Marilyn Brady

We lost our son, Mackenzie, on December 17, 2016. He was our only child and no child could ever be loved more than Mackenzie. We had waited for a child for so long and God did bless us with Mackenzie on November 28, 1996. Mackenzie was just our everything. We were so proud of him and all that he was. He was our “Gentle Giant”. He was absolutely adored and so, so loved. Yes, as parents, did he push our buttons? Absolutely. But, we worked through things as a family and we would so love to be that family still. However, it was not meant to be. And in December of 2016, our grief journey began and it was a place that we never imagined that we would ever be. Parents are supposed to outlive their children. THIS IS JUST NOT RIGHT!!

And that first year, we were so numb to everything. Our emotions were all over the place. We would cry, get mad, be so upset, and be flooded with memories while always remembering that Mackenzie would never be with us again. Then we blamed ourselves. Could we have done something to prevent his blood clot from happening? Even the words of the Emergency Room Doctor saying that even if he had been there, that even he could not have prevented his death had been very little comfort for us. We wanted our son here with us!

It has been very difficult for us and it still remains difficult. There have been very many changes since Mackenzie’s death. It did bring our families closer together. It did lead to us meeting many new people who have helped us so much in trying to understand this process and how to maneuver through, knowing there is no right or wrong way to go through the grief process. We had to find our own way on many things such as holidays. We had always celebrated at his paternal grandparents house and since his death, we have not been able to go and have those gatherings. Have there been hurt feelings because of the holidays? Yes. We just could not go to their house anymore and celebrate when there were so many memories of Mackenzie and that time there. And his paternal grandparents did not understand our point of view. They are elderly and wanted things to remain the same. However, nothing would ever be the same ever again. The holidays are so, so hard for us. We struggle through them every year. And, it is a struggle.

We try to go to the graveyard as much as we can to visit with Mackenzie. We have heard from some of our other friends who have lost children that they have been criticized for doing this. How? We do not understand this at all. That is our child and that is how we still can feel connected to him. That is all we have. We cannot hug him, hold him, or kiss him. You have to leave that connection for us for that is all we have. And if you do not understand it, be thankful that you don’t.

There are times that we can laugh now and not feel guilty for allowing ourselves to have that moment. There are still times that the anguish over losing him just engulfs us but there is some resolve in that we know that he is in HEAVEN with God and that we WILL see him again. So, we hold on to that moment with hope and love.

So, as we continue on this unending journey, please be patient with us. We are trying to move in a world that holds our heart in its hands. We are trying to find our way and it is not easy for us. And remember there is no right or wrong way to go through this journey. So, please just be patient with us.

REMEMBER ME

In spring when field and flowers bloom and lovers stroll beneath the moon When clouds are gone and skies are fair and hints of summer fill the air Remember Me

In summer when the crickets sing and you see robins on the wing When pumpkins grow and corn is tall and weather gives a taste of fall Remember Me

In fall when leaves turn crimson red and acorns fat to squirrels are fed When summer nights are put to bed and goldenrod and frost are wed Remember Me

In winter when the cold winds blow and all the earth is white with snow When soup is hot and fires are built and on your bed’s an extra quilt Remember Me